The most difficult days I had as a pastor each year were Mothers Day and Fathers Day. I just didn't have anything to relate to and narrative is so important in a sermon. It was worse with my dad than with my mom but I still drew a blank with both of them in talking about experiences. I was in my mom's first family and raised pretty much by my grandmother. As she got older we were closer, but just not the traditional things most of you talk about. Never had a story book read to me. Her thing was definitely not cooking or other household stuff. We didn't have prayer time. My dad was even worse. I was just a toddler when they divorced and I can count on one hand probably the times I saw him from the divorce until I was grown and MJ was born. In his old age he moved to Lebanon and faithfully attended the church I pastored so those final years were pretty good. Lois had a little more time with him because they all lived in north Missouri and spent more time together. They got together for music jam sessions occasionally but I have no memories of doing anything with my dad, going anywhere with him, like so many of you talk about.
I live those times vicariously watching Milan and MJ. They are so close and I can't even fathom having that kind of relationship. I even see it in the second generation of how Terry and his two girls have such a close father-daughter relationship.
And I saw it happen with my mother and all my brothers. She was much more a traditional mother to them because she had matured into that role. And Clarence was a good stepfather to me and I was still young enough to relate to him in that way.
This is not a "pity party" post and I understand there are thousands of children out there who can tell the same story. I'm sure many more now because so many more divorces and single parents. But these special (family) days are a bittersweet time for me.
And my purpose in writing is just to remind you how important parent-child relationships are. If you have young children at home, please take time to make memories with them. And just in case some younger kids might be reading this, please don't take your parents for granted or complain about spending time with them. The days and years all go by so fast and even though 70 some years seems like a long time ago, and my grandmother worked so hard to raise me, I still remember how envious I was of kids who had a traditional home, and it still hurts after all of these years.
©Joan Rowden Hart 2024
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