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House cleaning tips (humorous)

HELPFUL HOUSECLEANING HINTS... 


       Windows:
       Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter
       against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15
       and leave it alone.

       Cobwebs:
       Artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb,thereby 
       creating a romantic atmosphere. If someone points out that the light fixtures    
       need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim "What? And spoil the mood?"    
       (Or just throw glitter on them & call them holiday decorations.)

&nb sp;      Pet Hair:
       Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by
       claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play
       animals for underprivileged children. (Also keeps out cold drafts in
       winter.)

       Guests:
       If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one
       room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home,  
       rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to
       see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO
       expensive."

       Dusting:
       If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy ur n on the
       coffee table and insist that "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter
       her ashes."

       General Cleaning:
       Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of
       water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in
       conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself on the
       couch and sigh, I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere." As
       a last resort, light the oven, throw a teaspoon of cinnamon in a pie
       pan, turn off oven and explain that you have been baking cookies for a
       bake sale for a favorite charity and haven't had time to clean ... Works
       every time.

       Anothe r favorite, I think from Erma Bombeck
       Always keep several get well cards on the mantle so if unexpected
       guests arrive, you can say you've been sick and unable to clean.

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