In 1969 Dr. Carrington told me I had arthritis and would have to take 8 aspirin a day for the rest of my life. I was 26 years old and MJ had just been born.
Of course aspirin was the only pain reliever back in those days but that's not the point I want to make.
I remember the night I prayed about that. I remember the chair I was sitting in and where the chair was. And I remember my prayer: “Lord, if it is your will that I spend my entire life in pain, dependent upon medication, then I accept that. But I know this one thing. You are able to heal me and I have no doubts about that at all. If you choose not to heal me, then you have a reason. And I accept that, but if it is your will to heal me, I accept that too and I will praise you for it.
He healed me that night and I was able to fulfill 4 different career paths and be a wife to Milan and a mother to our daughter. I was not perfect in either of those areas but I did the best I could. And God gave me the ability to write and hopefully be a blessing to others with my words and thoughts and poems.
As time went on and aging took its toll, I found myself dealing with the same pain and this time God has chosen not to heal. I accept that. For one thing all of us will eventually die, whether from sickness or something else. God does not heal death. But there are lessons to be found in pain that we could never know otherwise.
For one thing I found grace, not only God's grace to me, but I found ways to extend grace to others, and I treasure that lesson more than almost anything else. I was very judgmental at one time and I still have to watch that, but I have found grace to be truly amazing, not only as a recipient but I have found such a blessing in learning how to give grace to others.
But over and above all, I have learned that prayer works when I use the same logic I used that night at age 26. I will be 80 Sunday. And no matter what the situation is, I turn it over to God. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that God can take care of everything and if He chooses not to answer my prayer in the way I want, He has a reason and a better plan for me,
This is why my favorite Ira Stanphill song is this one:
Tho' shadows deepen, and my heart bleeds,
I will not question the way He leads;
This side of Heaven we know in part,
I will not question a broken heart.
We'll talk it over in the bye and bye.
We'll talk it over, my Lord and I.
I'll ask the reasons - He'll tell me why,
When we talk it over in the bye and bye.
I'll hide my heartache behind a smile
And wait for reasons 'til after while.
And tho' He try me, I know I'll find
That all my burdens are silver lined.
© Joan Rowden Hart (essay)
We’ll Talk It Over By Ira Stanphill
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