The etymology of the word “prejudice” teaches us a great lesson. It does not have to do with race or color or gender, or profession or education, or any other physical or mental attribute. It simply means to pre-judge without knowing, and all our prejudices come about because we have pre-judged someone. We don’t like them because we don’t know anything about them.
Back in the day when two men living together were just room mates and nothing else, one of my favorite TV shows was “The Odd Couple”. Tony Randall and Jack Klugman epitomized the idea that two people could get along in the same house even when they were as different as night and day.
Many marriages, including my own, are living proof that opposites attract. My husband is softspoken, quiet, reserved and very private. I have just the opposite personality traits. Yet we are still happy together after 60 years of marriage.
Probably the most modern Odd Couple relationship was that of Supreme Court Justices Antonin Scalia and Ruth Bader Ginsburg, both now deceased. Their close friendship, along with their respective spouses, was an enigma to the friends in their social circles in Washington, D.C. They almost always vigorously disagreed on cases on the Court. Scalia was known as a conservative - Ginsburg a very vocal liberal. Their relationship was built on the things they both enjoyed, the opera and good food, and respect for their intellectual genius.
Which brings me to the third point I wanted to make.
The ability to converse and informally debate any controversial issue, to agree to disagree, to enjoy time spent in repartee, always enhances any relationship.
As Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, said in Proverbs 27:17: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
The most enjoyable times I have had have been those times with my colleagues as we sat together and dissected every topic we could think of especially things on which we disagreed. Sometimes it was with other insurance agents and financial advisers when I worked for New York Life. Even more fascinating to me as a pastor were the many hours spent in somebody’s home after church, over pie and coffee, discussing the Bible with my colleagues and the meaning of life in general.
Now, although I am confined to my home and unable to get out in the public arena, there is still Facebook where my friends and I discuss politics and current events.
Whatever the subject, I refuse to argue about anything. There would be plenty to argue about if I wanted to do it. Just being a conservative pro-life woman is controversial in itself. But when you throw in the fact that I am a woman ordained to ministry and have served as senior pastor in several churches, that opens up all sorts of possibilities.
But no one ever gains by argument or confrontation. It only entrenches more deeply the beliefs already held and usually ends in hurt feelings or even the loss of the friendship. I will discuss almost anything with anybody as long as the discussion is consensual and we all have an open mind and are willing to listen to other viewpoints.
So to pull this all together, it is important we remember that if we pre-judge someone on any matter before we get to know them, we are crushing any opportunity to have a relationship with them, and thereby may be missing out on one of the most important things in life - friendship based on understanding, intellect, and appreciation of diversity.
Joan Rowden Hart, © 2014
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